nina
If you think you know me, read my blog and think again
I'm Imperfect, and I'm Loving it.
I'm the only witness and the only person who can judge my Life.
Im goin to reli reli blog lyk nobody biz.. Bear wif me aite..!
Yestdae was Ramzah's bro wedding.. but i cudn't make it bcoz i had to luk aft hidayat and aliah coz my sis-in-law was werking and my mum was at ECP chalet.. Poor me..! Dis few days, i've been making sacrifices.. why.. oh why..?? Later dat afternoon, my sis came home to get some thing, so i follow her bck to ECP bringin hidayat and aliah along.. Gosh..! for a moment i felt lyk a mother of 2..! instead of bringing my stuff and accesories, my bag was filled with milk powder.. ??diapers..?? milk bottles..?? Its tought being a mother.. haizz.. hehehe..
Upon reaching dere the first thing dat i did was of course hand hidayat to my mum..! den i went searching for... FOOD! Had lots of chicken wings, prawns, hotdogs and many many more..! Aft i've satisfied my hunger, i went for a SWIM..! Yehhh..!! Had great great fun yestdae..!
I was having fun, but feelin a little guilty.. Yestdae, it was also B's mit parent day.. I cudn't go also.. BUT actually, even if i cud go, i dun want to go.. Yah.. im mad or watever.. Nobody will understand.. Despite my laughter and happy front, dere is sadness and anguish dat nobody noes and understand.. To me emotions and feelings are something dat is complex and unpredictable.. No matter hw hard u'll try to hide it or denied it, it will still be dere inside u.. Guess I've been trying too hard to keep it goin and nw am getting tired, too tired i shud say.. Sumtimes I regret for making those decision i made.. If i had been strong enuf to move on and leave, den maybe i wud haf been happier and maybe not..
Somtimes i feel dat all the sacrifices and effort i made, are not worth it.. The more i tried to save IT, the more im steppin out of myself.. I cnt recognise who i am really now.. I miss the old me.. The sporty, strong and independent me.. and of course the happy me..
Less talktime made me feel more relief..? I hope dis is one of my pms thingy... Dis is the last chance and the last try im giving.. Dun dissapoint me again, i hope...
phew..!
Ramzah
Monday, December 20, 2004
Brek up or not..?
6:05 pm