Isn't it the same as me? The situation? I used to do that.. I was busy trying to be the perfect gf that my bf could be proud of... that i totally forgot who i really am... and then i turned to be a boring person... I don't dare to do this, nor that... i don't want to do this, or that... cuz i just don't want to look stupid in front of my bf... I stopped being me totally... sad huh?! this was not the real me, for what i rmbr, when someone gave me anyting, or dared me to do something, i'll take it on without fear... When i looked back, i asked myself how i did all that way back, but not now...?

Then when suddenly things change, i was alone and i realised how happy i was to be able to do things again, stupid things, looked bad.. looked stupid.. shout, roll on the floor, sing loudly in my horrible voice, jumpe up and dwn... I can just do anything.. I don't have to bother what other people think of me... I can be me...

I'm holding back my tears as i'm typing it out, till my eyes hurt... Letting him go was hard, but i don't wish to be selfish... I don't him to end up being like me.. unhappy and not knowing who he really is... If someone else can make him happy why not? Nevertheless, i must admit that i do have happy times with him... it's real.. i didn't fake it.. haha!

P/S: I'm not pushing you away.. many times i may be mean to you.. saying things i shldn't and reminding you of someone almost everyday... I just want to make u see, and one day maybe u'll realised that i'm doing this for you... I said this many many times, i just want you happy... and i know that u want the same for me, but if u r not happy, how can i be? I don't want u to regret... Haaah! i feel like i'm the 3rd party now... I'm bad... Each day i'm letting go slowing... One day when i've let go completely, that'll be the day that i can look at you, smile and walk away without any tears...

nniinnaa 10:44 am