I lost my optical mouse!
i've been Searching high and low for it, before making assumptions...

I rmbr last fri, i packed my laptop and locked it up in my cupboard...
When i came in to work today and opened up my cupboard, my laptop was not in it original position, like the way i put it last fri...

Okay... so who's the cat that took my mouse!






p.s:I saw u smiled! i did...
We were playing that car game at the arcade...
instead of smiling back, But all i did was looked and stared...
and all i wanted to do was to go to you and hug u...
How i miss that smile awak...


Today i woke up, i had that chest pain again...
but the first thing that i did was to send awak a msg saying
"morning awak... i love you"

each day, when i feel dat pain, i wanna call awak.. talked to him...
cuz life is fragile... I dun want to regret not saying how much i love him despite wat he did...

yah, awak made mistakes, awak made me cry, awak hurt me, awak did many many bad things to me...
but despite what i did to make him stay away from me... i did things i never did before...
I shouted, i said bad things and i was crude to awak...

But yet he still came back to me...
but it never occured to me... If awak had cared about his pride, about his ego, about his face... like every other man.. he wouldn't have came back... he would have hated me, and leave forever without turning back...

But awak didn't... Awak came to me...
he tried to make it up to me for all the hurt he caused...
he tried hard to make me happy... and i know when awak looked at me, he feels guilty... that he had ever hurt me so much before...
This time when awak came back, i know he's been careful... He tried to hide his feelings, he tried not to make me cry again... but each time i cried and tried to push him away to........ but awak said, its easier to forget other ppl, but not me...
I always thought awak have forgotten me when i'm no longer with him.. but no.. he have not...

This time, awak merely told me his unhappiness, yet i overreacted and start crying again...

I know awak gave up when he couldn't take it anymore that i cried... awak can't bear to see me cry again... and i knw that each time i cried, awak cried inside too... my tears are his weakness.. sometimes i do stupid things to get rid of the pain, and sometimes it scare awak 2... if he was a true jerk, awak wldn't have cared... but he didn't, he called me... and make sure i was on the line till i calmed dwn.

Friends asked me, why did i let him enter my life again, though i knew that he's gonna hurt me again... I could only look dwn, and i wished i could tell them...

There's so much that me and him went tru... I can still rmbr how i stood by patiently, when other gals would have long run away to look for another guy to seek attention. i stood there, waiting for him, giving him support in case he needed... because at that time he said, i was his "charlene" and wat pushed him tru the hard time.... was me... and he promised to treasure the time he had with me, even if he was given a sec to see my shadow...

there are times when i wanted to give up... and just go... but i didn't... i rmbr how he introduce me to his frens in ns... and they would say.. ohh! she's the one u talked abt in brunei... and how they told me, that he always talked to them about me... I must have mean alot to awak back den... hah! those were the days...

but then, everything changes... in just a sec...
Tell me, how could i handle it..? how could i let go of this r/s, that i hold on to, that i treasure alot... that i grow up with...

Now i know how awak feels when i tried to make him give up on me...
I'm sorie...

nniinnaa 10:19 am